Even though I don't have a girl, I loved this story. It's so true. I don't know who wrote it or I would definitely give credit.
Telling Your Daughter What To Expect.... We are sitting at lunch one day when my daughter
casually mentions that she and her husband are
thinking of "starting a family." "We're taking a
survey," she says half-joking. "Do you think I
should have a baby?" "It will change your life," I
say, carefully keeping my tone neutral. "I know,"
she says, "no more sleeping in on weekends, no more
spontaneous vacations."
But that is not what I meant at all. I look at my
daughter, trying to decide what to tell her. I want
her to know what she will never learn in childbirth
classes.
I want to tell her that the physical wounds of child
bearing will heal, but becoming a mother will leave
her with an emotional wound so raw that she will
forever be vulnerable. I consider warning her that
she will never again read a newspaper without
asking, "What if that had been MY child?"
That every plane crash, every house fire will haunt
her. That when she sees pictures of starving
children, she will wonder if anything could be worse
than watching your child die.
I look at her carefully manicured nails and stylish
suit and think that no matter how sophisticated she
is, becoming a mother will reduce her to the
primitive level of a bear protecting her cub. That
an urgent call of "Mom!" will cause her to drop a
soufflé or her best crystal without a moments
hesitation.
I feel that I should warn her that no matter how
many years she has invested in her career, she will
be professionally derailed by motherhood. She might
arrange for childcare, but one day she will be going
into an important business meeting and she will
think of her baby's sweet smell. She will have to
use every ounce of discipline to keep from running
home, just to make sure her baby is all right.
I want my daughter to know that every day decisions
will no longer be routine. That a five year old
boy's desire to go to the men's room rather than the
women's at McDonald's will become a major dilemma.
That right there, in the midst of clattering trays
and screaming children, issues of independence and
gender identity will be weighed against the prospect
that a child molester may be lurking in that
restroom.
However decisive she may be at the office, she will
second-guess herself constantly as a mother. Looking
at my attractive daughter, I want to assure her that
eventually she will shed the pounds of pregnancy,
but she will never feel the same about herself. That
her life, now so important, will be of less value to
her once she has a child. That she would give
herself up in a moment to save her offspring, but
will also begin to hope for more years, not to
accomplish her own dreams, but to watch her child
accomplish theirs.
I want her to know that a cesarean scar or shiny
stretch marks will become badges of honor. My
daughter's relationship with her husband will
change, and not in the way she thinks. I wish she
could understand how much more you can love a man
who is careful to powder the baby or who never
hesitates to play with his child. I think she should
know that she will fall in love with him again for
reasons she would now find very unromantic. I wish
my daughter could sense the bond she will feel with
women throughout history who have tried to stop war,
prejudice and drunk driving.
I want to describe to my daughter the exhilaration
of seeing your child learn to ride a bike. I want to
capture for her the belly laugh of a baby who is
touching the soft fur of a dog or cat for the first
time. I want her to taste the joy that is so real it
actually hurts.
My daughter's quizzical look makes me realize that
tears have formed in my eyes. "You'll never regret
it," I finally say. Then I reached across the table,
squeezed my daughter's hand and offered a silent
prayer for her, and for me, and for all the mere
mortal women who stumble their way into this most
wonderful of callings.
Please share this with a Mom that you know or all of
your girlfriends who may someday be Moms. May you
always have in your arms the one who is in your
heart.
