Sunday, April 13, 2008


I'm struggling.

I'm not a super religious person but I do believe in God and the bible. I believe in His word. I follow the 10 commandments. But I'm struggling with something pertaining to His word.

Honor thy mother and father. Our 5th commandment.

Let me fill you in. First of all, my mother is an alcoholic. She's in complete denial. She thinks that since she can control her drinking, that she isn't an alcoholic. By my standards, she is. There have been times where I've called her and had an entire conversation with her yet the next morning, she doesn't remember talking to me.

Her husband is an alcoholic. They're quite the pair. But he's a whole post in itself so we'll stick to Mom.

Second, Mom is definitely all about Mom. Her house and friends come first before everything else, including family. She'll deny this but history has proven.

So, on to the latest. My gas bill goes to her house. She used to live in the same house that I live in now. For some reason, the gas company keeps putting her address on my bill and sends it to her house. We've fought this for 4 years now with no resolution. They fix it for a month or 2 then somehow it happens again.

It's not a problem for me. Up until last week, I didn't care that she opens it anyway. Well, I paid our bill late last month because our hot water heater had gone out and the bill was huge. In the meantime, the new bill went out with last month's balance as unpaid.

So, Mom calls me last Sunday and begins the conversation chewing me out about the bill. No good morning. No how are you doing. Just you've got a problem. Your gas bill isn't paid and they're going to shut off your gas. This totally, completely struck a huge nerve with me and since she wasn't listening to my explanation and wasn't believing me when I told her it was already paid, I hung up on her.

Mom doesn't call me on a normal basis. I'm normally the one that does the calling. She's only seen her grandkids twice this year. We only live 10 miles apart.

But this is normal for her.

So I'm struggling with just how much crap I have to put up with from her. How much of this sort of treatment am I to deal with before going against what I believe in and call it quits with her? Does God give passes on His commandments when it pertains to a drunk, selfish parent?

Here's the kicker. Today's her birthday. I haven't spoken with her since last Sunday. I don't want to speak with her but if I don't call her, I'll never hear the end of it.

I'm struggling. Support me, my friends, and give me your thoughts.


Anonymous said...

HUGS! I have no words of wisdom for you, Jeanne. My Mom is not an alcoholic, but she is very selfish. She doesn't call me unless she wants something. And, lately, I've been replaced by one of her co workers. This woman comes before me. I don't know what to do. It's been one promise after another, too. Like ordering stuff for Emily's fundraisers. She says she'll do it, but then never follows through.

Anyway, I hope someone comes along and gives you some advice. Praying for you!

Vamp said...

I would just give her a quick call, if she tries to start with you about anything tell her you have plans but didn't want to forget her birthday.

oh amanda said...

Yuck! I hate that for you! I really have no advice...just an experience w/my mom/grandma. My grandmother was the most selfish woman ever. And my mom tried to do what she wanted but it was NEVER EVER enough. Mama eventually found a medium ground where she would do things for Grandma, but also had to protect herself, you know? So, there's got to be a place for you to "honor" her without damaging yourself and your family. (((hugs)))